Here’s to blank slates….

So….my divorce was final 2 weeks ago.  My hubby (I guess he is my ex-hubby now) cheated on me 18 months ago.  I decided to stay and see if we could work on it, but alas….I struggled with the hurt and betrayal and could not get over it.   We were married just over 17 years.

So….my resignation from the Mormon church was final 2 months ago.  I was a faithful, active member of that church for 40 years.  I served a mission, married in the temple, prayed, fasted, wore garments, accepted callings, never drank coffee, tea, or alcohol, didn’t swear, didn’t watch R-rated movies, no bikinis, no activities on Sunday accept church attendance, made my career/education/profession a back up plan to my husband’s education and career and became a SAHM.  Quite honestly, I never once entertained the thought that I, too, could also do that and be a mother.   I felt guilty at every turn.  Every failure or thing that didn’t work out, I was being punished by God because I had been less than faithful to some commandment.  Every success or blessing was because I or my husband had done something right or God was just being merciful.

So….I am now single, a mother and primary caregiver to two angel munchkins (ages 10 and 6), undereducated and underemployed, agnostic, and living in my parent’s basement.

I have always loved the idea of minimalism and wanted to embrace that lifestyle as my own.  However, my husband was never on board.  He was a pack rat.  Divorce has changed all of that.  Not only do I get rid of the husband, I lose half the stuff we have.  Not only did I lose half the stuff, I lost the home and all the toys we had accumulated:  boats, 4-wheelers, dirt bikes, etc.  All these things were things my husband wanted more than I wanted.  Nonetheless, in my parent’s basement, I have my clothes and personal effects and my children’s clothes and their personal effects.

I think now is the time to adequately practice minimalism.

I think I am minimalist by default given the circumstance.

As I rebuild a life, a home, my career, my future, my beliefs, my values, I can now choose the path I wish to do, never, ever having chosen any of these things for myself before.

Scary.  Exciting.  Daunting.  Hopeful.

I sit on my parent’s front porch eating cheesecake.

My life is currently a blank slate.

Here’s to blank slates…..