It has been a few days since I last posted….
A lot has happened……
I found a townhouse for me and the two munchkins and pooch. Made an offer, made a counter offer, and went under contract. I will do a post on that, I think.
I also took a small road trip by myself….minimalist style….I think.
I also finished and turned in my application for nursing school.
But the thing I have done the past three days that is most relevant to minimalism is……
Drum roll please
My ex and I have been squabbling and haggling over the division of assets.
What, from the marital home, will I take with me and what will he keep?
I have a 1300 square foot townhouse I am purchasing for 3 people and a dog.
It is empty and I will be filling it up.
So, the question is………….what do I choose to fill my home with? What do I need? What do I want? What will I use? What won’t I use?
Isn’t this a minimalist’s dream come true?!?
Isn’t this the best way to jumpstart your minimalist beginnings? Instead of clearing out and junking and decluttering, I have an empty canvas with which to work.
So, let’s get to work:
So the Tornado (this is what I call my ex….do you want to guess why?) and I had 4 couches in our 3500 square foot home. For the family room, the living room, and the office.
I get two. But do I need two?
We have two beds. The king in our bedroom and the queen in the guest room.
I opted for the queen….but do I need a bed?
I will take the dining set while he keeps the office shelving and desk units
But….will the dining table even fit in the eating space of my condo? Can I make the dining space serve multiple functions?
Then there is the issue of the piano.
Will that fit? Do I want it? Should I bring it? My munchkins hate their piano lessons and I haven’t played in ages. Do I sell? Or do I persist in lessons and try and reengage in playing myself?
WWTMD? (What would The Minimalists Do?)
This is what I have spent the past three days doing…haggling and arguing and negotiating and whining and crying and bickering about stuff and why I should have that and why he should have this. Each conversation about assets becomes a conversation on who’s fault the destruction of our marriage it is. Who is to blame? Who was the worst spouse? Who deserves to suffer the most…rot in hell for the pain the other has caused.
Not only that, everyone I know and speak with has an opinion on what I should get….
“Listen honey, you need to be sure you get all your Christmas decorations. That new wife of his will have her own….”
“If I were you, I would take him for all he has got! Get the boat! Get the 4-wheelers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know you are moving into a condo, but don’t let him get away with what he did to you!”
“Don’t get even; get everything!”
I have come to this conclusion: it is so much easier to be in your home, look at all your stuff and determine what you use and don’t use and get rid accordingly. Sitting eyeball high in stuff that you are going to clean out is so much more appealing than being stuffed to the gills with painful, emotional drama that you have to deal with and process.
To start your life over after nearly 2 years of intense and mind-cluttering drama filled with pain, betrayal, crying, agony, anxiety, fights, therapy, fear, uncertainty, sadness….every minute consumed with putting out the emotional fires all around you…your ex, your kids, your parents, your family and friends, yourself!! as everyone processes the cheating, the separation, the divorce.
I am wondering if it isn’t just easier to bring all the my stuff….my half of the stuff….. into my new home. Nevermind what I will use or not use or worrying about whether this is minimalist or not, whether it will fit or not, whether we will use it or not….
I am thinking the first priority is to minimalize the drama, the anxiety, the fires, the pain. It is time to emotionally minimalize. It is time to be happy again. It is time to be free and at peace.
Then..I can do the easy part, getting rid of/selling the stuff I don’t need or use, decluttering, minimalizing….