Stupid Subtitle….

The subtitle for this blog is:

Starting over….one less thing at a time.

When I came up with that oh-so-witty subtitle, I had just gone through a divorce and had purchased my little townhouse.  I was thinking I would document my new, cute little life in a smaller space with slightly fewer possessions.  I was going to document my new, cute little start-over in life after a 16 year marriage but with goals for my new career and hopes and dreams for a new love.

But……starting over isn’t cute.

It has been gut-wrenching, devastating, hard, hopeless, scary, and so painfully sad at times, that I wondered if I would make it.

I still wonder if I will make it.

In the past two years I have started over several times due to divorce, death, change, mistakes, and very bad choices.

I have lost friends because I pushed them away in my grief.  I made new friends, but lost them when they couldn’t give me the answers I am searching for.

I lost the love of my life and fiancé to suicide.  I lost a future and a lot of hope.

I lost a shot at a new career due to bad choices, grief, and fear.

I have lost of lot of closeness to my children because I work so much and got lost in my head with my sadness for so long.

Minimalism isn’t always cute and blissful…..freeing…. and isn’t always a choice.

Starting over isn’t always hopeful and promising…..exciting and isn’t always a choice.

I hate my stupid subtitle.

 

 

 

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